Jesus on Thyface reviewed by Simone Hoffs

Several short biographies of Jesus of Nazareth went on to become the best selling book of all time. Jesus on Thyface may not sell quite as many copies as The Bible but it does contain a lot more laughs. The more familiar you are with the nonsense of Facebook the more you will laugh.

I love the timeline exchanges Jesus has with James the Less and James Zebedee:

Jesus: "What shall it profit the man if he gain the whole world and loses his own soul?"

(Sent Thursday 11th September 32AD at 4:09pm) 

James: "Oh, I know - the world!"

(posted at 4:27pm)

James Zebedee: "He was being rhetorical, dude." (posted at 4.29pm)

Yes, you guessed it - 'Jesus on Thyface' is a very silly book but if you loggeth in and signeth up you won't be disappointed. 

Other updates included: "John the Baptist has joined the group Cooking with Locusts". I also love the fact that Satan has 666 friends including Hitler and L Ron Hubbard, and his status is: "Fallen".

Text by Simone Hoffs 2018
'Jesus on Thyface' is written by Denise Haskew and Steve W Parker. The book is published by Simon and Schuster.

SIR-VERE 's new single: 'Night Time' reviewed by John Robbins

Extricate first encountered Sir-Vere when they headlined a jam-packed line up of Wall of Sound-affiliated live acts at Birthdays in Dalston. Among the many things to love about this trio of Milton Keynes misfits was the way they seemed the very opposite of the studied cool that their hipster-friendly surroundings appeared to demand of them. A shaven headed man in an x-rated t shirt stood behind the decks, one ear of his headphone clutched to his ear, as a syccession of crashing breakbeats, bleeps and rumbling basslines poured forth. To his right, cloth capped, bearded guitarist Gary Morland alternated between overdriven power chords and superfly funk licks, while front man Craig Hammond stood centre stage, throwing menacing, effect-laden vocal pronouncements into the resulting collision of sounds.

It's a sound that could only really have been concocted away from London and its legions of subcultural tribes, where every sub-genre is catered for. Sir-Vere sound more like the product of that one alternative space that exists in most towns and smaller cities, that bar or pub or club that acts as the only refuge from mainstream pop culture. Where you'll hear Prodigy or Kraftwerk on the jukebox one minute, AC/DC or Metallica the next, where Kraftwerk and Killing Joke rub shoulders with James Brown or Parliament on the playlist.

All of which is particularly relevant when it comes to their latest single 'Night Time', the teaser for their September-scheduled 'Psychoballistic Funk' album. The lyrics revolve around a weekend spent embracing smalltown delights to the full – jumping in taxis, hitting dancefloors, getting wasted and pursuing objects of desire, in this case a mysterious woman just back from Milan who plays her Rickenbacker “like Johnny Marr.”. The simple pleasures in life, basically.

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That's all set to a soundtrack that's every bit as riotous and unrestrained as their live show. Rampaging live drums processed with precision, guitars that sound closer to explosions than melody and vocals with just a whiff of the late, great Mark E Smith. It’s an irresistible combination whatever time of the day or night you encounter it, and one that’s got us salivating at the thought of their impending long player. Sir-Vere, we salute you Sir!

Text by John Robbins July 2018

Photo by Frazer Waller

All For You by Lara Smiles reviewed by Ben Willmott

The tag singer-songwriter brings certain images immediately to mind – acoustic guitars, floral dresses or beards (sadly, never together) and a misguided prioritising of navel gazing self-examination over good old-fashioned entertainment.

Luckily for us, these are all cliches that London singer-songwriter  Lara Smiles appears more than capable of neatly sidestepping.  Enlisting the production skills of Killing Joke bassist, McCartney collaborator and super-producer Youth, this is the first fruit of the sessions for her forthcoming debut album and it's quite the stonker.

'All For You' kicks off by laying down a slinky, tight funk groove – the press release namechecks ESG but to these ears it's more like their fellow NYC comrades Liquid Liquid – and then throws itself headlong into classic pop chorus in a hail of crunchy guitar crossfire.  The ghosts of the Big Apple's legendary punk petri dish CBGBs in general, and Blondie and Talking Heads in particular, seem to be coming out to play as the barriers between dance and rock, pop and punk, headbanging and footsto9mping all dissolve in front of our ears.

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Which, from what we've heard. is very much the modus operandi of the album to follow.  While it won't all sound like this – Smiles is just as fond of twisting the templates of electronic music to her needs as this guitar-heavy sound - it will doubtless show a similar disregard for convention, which is just how we like it. In the meantime, we challenge to hear this and not catch yourself humming it all next week.

Text by Ben Willmott 2018